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    May 17

    我离开我自己

         时间的概念在我脑子里似乎总不是很清晰,比如此时此刻。夜深了,窗外除了闪烁的红绿灯和高速行驶的出租车,一切都很安静。我很喜欢一个人享受这些。打开了音乐,是杨乃文的歌。突然很想聊天。

         对于我,昨晚的记忆大部分都是片段性的。我只是知道我想起了很多,也释放了很多。眼泪带走的就让它带走了吧,不提太多。其实今天起的很早,我却努力用间断性的睡眠让自己的思维与昨天隔离的更远一些,不知道为什么,很害怕自己记住的东西太多。作为一种习惯性的行为,我很避讳自己在闲暇的时刻和地方过谈起日常的生活,无论是工作、友谊、学习还是其他跟大学有关的林林总总。因为或许这种生活方式给予和剥夺我的东西实在太多了,有点敬畏它。我很喜欢回家,觉得那样可以逃避很多问题。和父母,还有那两个傻冒在一起,我想就是最好的减压方式。总觉得大学是一座城,他框住了我太多的东西,即便它带走了我曾经美好的爱情,我也无话可说。坦白的说,本就该走的人和事,还是让她们早些走好一点吧。

         这一天里,我读到了很多他人的情绪,也想到了很多自己的情绪。从中,我发现了快乐,也找到了痛苦。这在本质上和昨晚发生的很多非常相像,而睡眠就好像那麻痹我的酒精,颠三倒四,支离破碎。我想,或许人就是这样吧,明天的明天我还会为其他的事情烦恼,而烦恼绝不会和我的头发一样越来越少。不管怎样,在一个既定的游戏规则里我要继续努力的去好好生活,让自己头脑灵活、精力充沛。

         ……

         真的好静。我感觉到了自己的倦意。我离开我自己,这是歌儿里说的事儿。但我希望那会是一种被更新了的生活状态,让我忘掉更多的过往,好好继续的作为人类去探索和实践一道永久的命题,如何快乐的好好生活。 

         最后,我想故事的结尾是这样的。在大连这个要死的美丽夜晚,我和歌声一起叙说给你听。

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